I’m writing this piece while sitting cross-legged on the sofa, with a steaming bowl of super noodles next to me which have been made purely as a procrastination aid to get through a mid-afternoon lull. It’s all quite ironic really, considering that this article is about the joys of being gloriously unproductive at the best of times.
Why is it that when we have the most time available, there’s a sky-high chance that this is when we’ll be the most unproductive? For me, those couple of key ‘life admin’ tasks I need to get done will repeatedly get pushed later into the day for the sake of just one more episode of Gilmore Girls or one more random YouTube video (that will inevitably spiral into the abyss of 20 videos crescendoing with a 2005 X-Factor audition). Starting something is by far the hardest part, especially when there are a million other distractions whirling around (like the fridge, which is far more inviting especially if it’s fully stocked). But then flash forward and we have me going to bed repeatedly telling myself that tomorrow will be a better day and everything will be sorted... which, spoiler alert, is rarely the case.
Feeling unproductive, behind or clueless a little too often is normal - and it’s even possible to feel this way when there’s nothing ‘to do’.
Because really, nine times out of ten, I can’t help feeling that we haven’t got the foggiest idea what we’re doing. We just love to pile on the expectations because it’s far too easy to assume that everyone else is streets ahead and totally on track in comparison. ‘They’ wouldn’t have forgotten that the washing has been sitting in the machine for hours would they? Or left that unpacking a little too long that it’s totally bypassed the ‘acceptable enough to admit to someone else that you still haven’t done it’ stage?
Actually, I bet they have. Plus, these comparisons only lead to us consistently set our standards too high.
But still, we continue this cycle. I’ve been doing it with this very blog recently, worried sick that people think I’m a failure because I haven’t had the time, motivation or creative spark to produce an article. And it’s wrapped me in guilt so tightly that it's blurred my thinking and dampened my motivation which sucks.
So take this article as someone saying ‘me too’. We’re a lot more similar than we think, just winging it through one elongated problem at a time. And yes, my solution in this instance was to write about the fact that I haven’t been writing as much as I'd like - desperate times call for desperate measures.
With the end of this pandemic and lockdown-filled livelihood we’ve become so accustomed to actually starting to end, there’s a weird pressure around to be filling up our diaries and getting back on the busy treadmill of daily life again. And just generally ‘making plans’. When someone else has a packed-full August already but you have a coffee catch-up on one day, followed by a takeaway with a friend and a whole load of moping around doing nothing it can make you feel bad (even if that’s what you want to do - which by the way, I am fully on board with). But going back to being hugely productive, and quite frankly reverting back to being willingly social, is actually quite hard. And let’s face it, it's an effort.
The pandemic has made it easy to feel unmotivated because there’s been nothing but time available, so the sense of urgency has been eradicated. We’ve all enjoyed a few too many lazy days (I know I have), when nothing of value is achieved other than absorbing a lot of that crazily addictive programme on Netflix while scrolling through the Domino's app (at least we’re multi-tasking, right)? But when we have a free day in the diary coinciding with a million things that now ‘should’ and ‘could’ be done, it’s a little too easy to revert back to that Netflix and Domino's routine.
I bet you’d struggle to find someone that can’t say they’ve fallen into this trap. It’s a universal feeling. According to a trusty Google search, there are multiple types of procrastinators, but I’ll settle for the bog-standard ‘anything and everything seems more enjoyable that what I should be doing’. Yes, sometimes even a workout can be more appealing than certain tasks for me.
Surely even the most organised, productive, switched on, life-in-check, boss bitch person can relate to this. No matter what their Instagram feed may have you believing, the idea that everyone else is always using their time well and always has their ducks in a row is surely not the reality. People show themselves in a way that they want to be perceived; I know I have countless times. But when I’m the one on the other side of the screen, looking in on everyone else and falling deeper into a procrastination loop of scrolling further into the abyss of their perfectly productive life then it’s worked. I am officially fooled.
But I can’t stress enough how important I believe it is to stop thinking that everyone else has it so much more figured out, because I bet they feel the same way. It’s a pointless battle. I watched an Ariana Grande award acceptance speech recently, admittedly it was from about three years ago but it appeared on one of those ‘totally random - often ending with a bizarre 2005 X-Factor audition’ YouTube recommendations and I was obviously in the mood for a gut-wrenching emotional speech. But a couple of points she said have really stuck with me.
She commented on her awareness that people look at her and think she’s got everything sorted, has everything she could ever need and is at the peak of her musical career when still so young. And while admitting that in a professional sense these statements are true… when it comes to her personal life, she ‘has no idea what the fuck she’s doing’. YES. TO. THIS. It’s amazing how headstrong people can be when it comes to their career and ultimately how different they can be outside of those boundaries.
I for one pride myself on being pretty organised when it comes to my job, I literally work in an industry where you can’t be anything other than that, but sometimes I feel that my personal organisation takes a downward step. It’s the lesser priority because I don’t have to be the same me that I am at work. Of course I want to be, but for some reason it doesn’t always happen that way.
The most important note Ariana Grande made however was her realisation that, although she has everything she’s ever dreamt of, it’s actually the things she’s always had and the people who have always been by her side that make her the happiest. Has anything summed up the end of a lockdown more perfectly? When we’re given all our freedom back, I for one will 100% be thankful for a day at home on the sofa with Jordan because that’s my happy place.
I think it all comes down to accepting that some days will leave us feeling extremely accomplished, while other days will be quite the opposite. In fact they could feel like a total waste. But that’s just how it goes.
If you’re reading this on a ‘working hard’ day, good for you, but if it’s a ‘hardly working’ day, that’s all good too.