As already mentioned, I was furloughed from my job at the beginning of the first national lockdown and still am now. Yes, I am rapidly approaching an entire year of not working. Think what you may of people on furlough, but it absolutely does come with a whole host of challenges that can’t be accurately comprehended without experiencing it. Just like we furlough-ers will never fully understand the challenges surrounding people still having to work through this time, be it from home or in an establishment, because we aren’t living that situation. Whether it’s feeling utterly lost from the lack of daily purpose but somehow always really tired(?) or feeling totally overwhelmed by the huge workload that Covid-19 has inevitably added to, the pandemic has made its mark on the UK’s working population.
Nobody really knew what the furlough scheme was at first, I had to Google it after being informed that I was entering it. I am however extremely happy to see that “What does furlough mean?” made the top 10 ‘What is?’ questions to be Googled across the UK in 2020, but even more happy that “What does WAP mean?” appears higher in this list. Thank you Cardi B. But anyway, with 9.3 million jobs enrolled on the scheme by 28 June 2020, it became clear that gracefully stepping back and not completing any work (whilst still being employed) was the alien initiative that would hopefully save jobs from being cut.
I can't help feeling that being on the receiving end of a furlough enforcement when in the twenties/thirties age group is somewhat different however to a slightly more mature individual receiving the news, from a purely positional standpoint. The financial pressure, job insecurity and lack of clarity from day-to-day is the same for everyone with varying emotions. But what I mean is, someone who has a considerable portion of their career behind them is surely going to view the furlough scheme, and what it entails, differently to someone who is just finding their feet. I find myself holding a multitude of visions for what my career could be, where it may take me, and ultimately what I could achieve by a certain age so Jordan and I can reach particular goals. The furlough scheme has essentially put a pause on this, which was a lot more fine when it seemed to be for just a few months, but I blinked and here I am nearly a year later.
OK, so admittedly the break was sort of attractive for the first few weeks...surely no one would deny the opportunity for a quick recuperation from the busy daily grind in the midst of a situation that meant they had no obligation to actually see anyone either. But for someone who's oddly exhausted from less than five years experience in the big wide working world, the furlough scheme risked seeming a little like dangling a bottle of wine in front of them whilst on a treadmill. As long as they remain alert and ready to work when needed, the prize can be enjoyed.
Albeit, the hope was unanimously for it to not last too long because each passing week signifies another week of feeling unneeded by a company that has never before put a pause on their requirements. It’s a bizarre mix of emotions, of which drastic panic certainly did feature for me (and wine).
Of course, nobody could foresee how it might pan out and just how many times the scheme would be extended, that was all to come. It soon became a never-ending loop of getting ready to resume work as the end of furlough drew near, to only hear the news of an extension in one of the daily Government briefings. However dreary they may have seemed, as a furlough-er, I was one of those sad people who saw the daily News Conference as a really boring date with a different member of parliament at 17:00 every day. As with everything in this pandemic, it was, and still is, an unknown game of chance. As such, it can be tricky to decipher the best way to spend the time because the length available is never certain, therefore meaning that inane everyday jobs soon become so much more than they ever were (in my case)...
At 24, I was dangerously close to the university-Harriet; she's not been gone for that many years. Anyone reading this who's been to uni will probably know what I mean when I say, the risk of reverting to those lie-ins and a few too many write-off days was hanging over me. The university-Harriet had just one purpose for the day: to get through assignments. Although, quite proudly, I did put a lot into my assignments this doesn’t mean the days were perfectly planned out...I had no focus other than my studies. The furlough announcement however, left me ending a call with my boss with absolutely nothing to turn to; no assignments to fall back on.
Enter stage: Netflix, daily walks and HOUSEWORK
Cue: Harriet longingly praying that other people in a similar situation did the same
Jordan and I keep the chores relatively even. Sure, some weeks one of us may be preoccupied with other demands and then the other will pick up the slack on general housework. But 9 times out of 10, it’s equal and we have certain jobs we each do better so an unspoken agreement has formed for who does those (I absolutely boss loading the dishwasher, for example). But the furlough announcement resulted in me taking on all of the housework because...well, there isn’t actually a reason. It wasn’t discussed. I sort of just started doing it and telling Jordan that I have nothing else to do. And let me tell you, it’s a dangerous trap. It went on for so long that I actually convinced myself I was crazily busy from all the housework there is to do every day. Things that would normally be done ALONGSIDE working a full time, busy job. I even recall saying to Jordan: “Wow how did I used to get this all done so easily!”
I was convinced that every chore I completed was necessary, and was therefore added to a list to be repeated every week. Because of the insane amount of such jobs going on this evergrowing list, I felt that the flat was never completely tidy or clean, despite everything I was doing. I couldn't keep up so there was minimal satisfaction. I began to dread the continuous “I bet your flat is sparkling!” comment from people when explaining my furlough situation and then felt sad because I didn’t actually think it was. There was always something to do. The pressure, that I'd totally inflicted on myself, was mounting. The problem was, supposedly always having more housework to do left little (OK, zero) time for me to invest in something else because I didn’t give myself the opportunity to consider it.
I also became obsessed with Mrs Hinch (not mad about this – will 100% remain a fan), and used my one outing per day to buy certain products she swears by to clean things I’d never even considered cleaning before. The thing is, she puts her all into the cleaning/tidying world because she’s built a business around it with far more elements attached to it. The cleaning is the part we all have to do, there’s no way around it, which is where she saw a gap in the market I suppose, but it’s never before been all I do and it’s not all she does either.
How I didn’t drive Jordan round the bend is beyond me. He was working away in his home office blissfully unaware, except from when I’d crawl under his desk and get the handheld hoover in every nook and cranny the eye could see. I was fascinated about what fabric softener would be the most effective for our clothes, and how I should in fact be washing certain items on a completely different spin cycle to what we’d been doing. Honestly, talk about taking a step back in time and unwillingly transforming into the epitome of a housewife who does everything for their male breadwinner.
But regardless, this is what was happening and it was all well and good for the first couple of months. But then it became increasingly boring and I’d find myself having seriously low days, without being able to articulate why. I’m not working, but am being paid, and I’m keeping myself busy, right? Wrong. I had nothing substantial to fill my days with – no genuine purpose – so I was feeling extremely unfulfilled.
Housework all day everyday is absolutely not what I had planned for myself when studying at uni, working my internship or getting my most recent exciting job (the one I’m currently furloughed from). A few months in and this realisation set in properly. Why had I been so silly? But I see now, this is a really easy loophole to fall into because it seems like the easy route for a quick fix of productivity and I fell hook line and sinker, head-first, into the trap.
From then on, I started writing down a plan for the day or gave myself projects to both pass the time but also make me feel that I was doing something worthwhile. I had purpose. And it was a genuine kind of purpose that slowly eradicated the feeling of wasting the days away. Even if it was to complete one lesson of the many online courses I’d begun trying my hand at, heading out alone and sitting outdoors somewhere with a book, socially-distanced visits to family, or simply researching what I could do next. My mindset had shifted and I was happier. Obviously this didn’t happen everyday, I had my off days where not a lot happened, but it gave me differentiation between rest/lazy days and those days that had structure and meaning. Watching Netflix became a treat with less feelings of guilt, and most importantly, housework wasn’t dominating my life.
As with everything, everyone deals with situations in different ways. For some people my age, they may have welcomed the break furlough provided and used the time to simply relax and enjoy the opportunity while it was still there. It’s something that’s unlikely to happen again. I will never judge another furloughed person for their choices. This is just my story nestled amongst hundreds of thousands of different people’s plots.
Flash forward to late October and I found myself craving a purpose that was solely for me, but benefited me in a way that a job would. Not in the monetary sense, but rather a search for something that got my brain working and required an element of hard work and many hours of effort dedicated to one specific thing. For this, I'm feeling bizarrely grateful for the journey furlough has taken me on and the lessons it's provided. The second lockdown announcement (that weirdly short one we all seem to forget happened) in November was the icing on the cake telling me go for it. And, well, here I am.