I’ve debated for a while how I could possibly write about the all-consuming topic of body confidence in women, because it’s something I feel passionately about. Not because I’m an expert (not even close), but because it’s something I think so many can relate to but don't necessarily talk about because it feels a little awkward. But it doesn't have to be, and it doesn't even need to be a conversation with awe-inspiring quotes that leave the listener inspired and totally transformed – just a simple chat now and then can be good to get things off the chest.
When writing this article, I scoured the internet (but not for too long because of what I stumbled upon), finding a selection of misleading and downright shocking articles about the ‘ideal’ clothing size for women in the UK. We are all built so differently and lead different lives, so how on earth can there be one ‘ideal’ size we should all aim to get as close as possible to? This is such an unhealthy statement to be claiming, but nevertheless is an example of how society and the media can have such a significant impact on women and the size they are, or used to be or even what they want to be.
For the purpose of this piece, I'm going to focus on the size range I actually fall into: UK 10 through to UK 14, or if they do it this way, a size M. I’m calling this the ‘in-between’ size; something I have made up solely for this article, not at all a scientifically accurate term! But I can only talk from my own experiences, and this is what I feel best describes them.
What I mean by this is that in most shops, it feels standard for the size 12 jeans to be around the middle of the shelf if organised in size order, in between everything else. It’s like picking out the ‘average’, ‘most common’, ‘no particular end of the spectrum’ size, and I think this is sadly how a lot of people may feel about their body. I’ve not quite got rock hard abs (or any abs on show for that matter) but I’m not quite considered curvaceous. I very much feel like an ‘in-betweener’ and that’s OK.
The crazy thing is that reaching a size 8 is portrayed as a gateway to those sizes that society often makes us feel are more desirable. Which, inserting complete reality here, is utter bollocks. Likewise, if someone has to size up, this is when they may start panicking about embarking on a journey to other side. Again, returning with the real-world truth, this is also utter bollocks. Everything in between is then a bit of a null area.
The psychology kicks in through the larger sizes being commonly placed towards the back of the shelf or featuring lower down on the drop-down list when ordering clothes online, and the opposite for smaller sizes. It’s coming out of that middle-ground. It’s been said before and will be said again, but every brand does their sizing differently and it’s so important to remember this. I could buy a size 12 pair of jeans from some places and then need an ‘L’ from somewhere else, which actually happened to me recently, but both pairs have gone on the same pair of legs, hips and bum and fit in a relatively similar way.
As challenging as it may be, I’m TRYING to forget about what the label says or where I have to pick my clothes up from on the shelf for that matter. Because really, who cares? I’m always going to buy the size of clothing that fits my body shape and accentuates it in the way I want. But, it’s important to know that nobody has to feel bad for feeling insecure at times. It happens to everyone, regardless of what fictitious ‘size category’ they sit in.
For some reason though, many people often feel they can’t express that wave of insecurity they experience for the fear of judgement. And not talking can so often make things worse. I’ll fess up and say that I’ve felt guilty for worrying about my body size, because at the end of the day, I don’t suffer from any known weight-related health problems. I worry that other people might think I’m being silly, but more importantly that they think I’m selfish and not acknowledging what I do have. But, I've got a weird thing about my legs; I avoid wearing something that means they are fully on show, and I'm pretty sure a change in my size wouldn't even fix this. It's just my thing, and that's OK.
Everyone, regardless of their size, is entitled to feel a little worried at times because there are so many other factors that can influence how we feel about our body image. The weight of someone, or shape of their body, is just what people see from the outside – the exterior shell to everything else inside. Most of the time, there's an awful lot more going on inside that can affect how someone feels about their exterior regardless of what we see. And no, it doesn't matter if the person worrying is a size 6, 14, 20 or Beyoncé Knowles: we are all allowed to feel concerned. Genuinely, it sounds cliché, but all bodies are beautiful and each person has the right to feel, look and dress how they want. The good thing is, I’ve usually found that for every bad day, there are always more healthy, happy, positive days around the corner.
Plus, with all the mixed messages from external sources and the pressures of social media, I salute anyone who can safely say they've never felt remotely insecure.
These feelings are surely a demonstration of the damage caused from comparing ourselves to other women (women that we don't even know, may I add). But of course, they have that perky bum we wish for or appear to have no cellulite (which usually isn’t true by the way) when ours won’t shift. It can make us feel like there's nothing particularly special going on here, nothing that really stands out, everything is sort of just there... there’s no one feature to show off. And even if we did have all those things we desire, there would somehow be something else that bothers us. We all want what we don't have. It’s a crazy cycle of emotions, but it's a normal one too.
Plus, no surprises here... weight fluctuates a hell of a lot. One day can make me feel a size up or down from what I was the day prior. Now this is of course never the reality, but it’s just how my body can sometimes feel, and it’s OK to experience this. In fact, I reckon it would be hard to find a woman who could say this has never happened. Regardless of this fluctuation, I’m a big believer in not using the scales. I worry that if I checked it frequently, it would become something I was a little addicted to which could become dangerous for me. I'm particularly competitive with myself when it comes to work or personal goals (sometimes way too much), so I'm not going to enter into a battle against myself with the scales. But hey, we're all different.
Wow, if you are still here then you made it to the end of what I fear is a bit of a ramble-fest. Thanks for sticking around. Female body confidence is a topic area that I’d love to delve into more.
But for now, I think what this all boils down to is to not judge someone for the way they feel in relation to how we may see them. The two don’t always marry up. I’ve been guilty of doing this in the past, not ashamed to put my hands up and say that, it’s just that now I’m so much more aware.